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Hope and Dreams: Where Are They? June 13, 2012

Posted by laosita in diabetes.

We were all dressed up. We made a special trip to her hair stylist just that morning. My dress had pockets. Family, extended family, family friends attended. It was….fifth-grade graduation! To bystanders, this might not seem like the event that it was made out to be, but to anyone involved, it was important (I also decided I might coincidentally be out of town during college graduation). Teachers and administrators presented the hopes for their students, and each student shared their memories and dreams. If dreams come true, we had many professional athletes, military members, and veterinarians in our midst. A future librarian, hair-stylist, engineer, and the president of the United States sat a few rows away. At fifth-grade, you have all the time in the world to accomplish these lofty goals. You really can be anything you dream of being.

I don’t remember wanting to be anything. I don’t remember having lofty goals and dreams. Not as a kid, not as a fifth-grader, not even in highschool. Did one too many lows erase the memory, am I just overly-reality focused, or did diabetes somehow take away my desire or ability to dream?

Unlike many who were diagnosed at my age and around my diagnosis year (1987), I personally was never told that I would be dead by 25. My mother, my nurse, and endo made sure that I knew that there was nothing I could not do. Like any other kid, the sky was the limit. (It wasn’t until college graduation that I discovered health-insurance coverage is the sky). With diabetes I live one number at a time, one trend at a time, one day at a time, one new technology at a time. Did I just run out of time in each day to start dreaming? Knowing that you can do anything you want is one thing. Dreaming is another. I can think of very few things that I’ve let diabetes get in the way of, yet I feel like I’ve lost the opportunity to dream of being something different. After a successful education, I have a strong career, traveled on my own to foreign countries, and survived being single more often than not- there is nothing that I cannot at least try to do. If I can do this, you can do this. We can do this.

But dreaming, dreaming of a career without health-insurance considerations, of living far away from my endo, of an unburdened relationship, of a cure? Dreams don’t get even a minute of my day. Where are your dreams at?



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