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Auto-pilot. July 2, 2012

Posted by laosita in diabetes.
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A bowl of chocolate Oreo ice cream. Next to a piece of whole-wheat bread with a Havarti cheese slice. Next to the Styrofoam take-out box with tofu-pinenut lettuce wraps. Next to Dex.

I don’t often have bread in my house, and I remember walking in my front door thinking bread with cheese sounds perfect for the low I could feel coming on.

But five minutes later, or was it ten? Fifteen even? Where did this bowl of ice cream come from? Why am I eating ice cream, before my much-anticipated piece of bread? Why am I looking at tofu wraps on a plate? LOW says Dex. Fuck, less than an hour ago I blindly bloused four units, thinking I was high. Was I already low then? Glucose tab bottle. One. Two. Three. Hm, they’re softer than normal. Four? No, Three tabs is 15 carbs (forget that I’m looking at about 60 g on my stove top). Glucose tabs will stop the confusion in my head, will make reality return, and stop me from meeting the floor.

I don’t remember scooping three scoops of ice cream. I don’t remember taking the first bites. I don’t remember taking out the ice cream container or putting it back in the freezer.

I have no idea if a newly diagnosed person would have, could have, made it through the same actions. Moments like these (luckily few and far between, but not far enough) make me think that my body has some of this figured out. Pancreas, you are a lazy son of a bitch, but I am grateful that all my other parts kick in on auto-pilot when I need them the most.

Now if only I could unconsciously clean the ice cream, bread, tofu mess in the kitchen…

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Comments»

1. surfacefine - July 2, 2012

Oh man! That is scary stuff. Glad you’re ok! xo


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