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Time to Refocus. January 22, 2013

Posted by laosita in diabetes.
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I gazed around and the orange juice section was in sight. I grabbed the small store-brand size, fiddled with the plastic top and chugged.
In the grocery store.
Without paying first.

I’ve never been in a position to require such an action. Ever. Prior to the last year, I can recall only four lows that required me to immediately stop and treat. In the last year, I’ve had five. That’s like a 2000% increase. Two in the middle of the night, two while driving (I immediately pulled over, the roads are still safe) and the most recent one in the grocery store. These are the lows I can see looming, but did nothing about. I started to drop at the gym. I had suspended my pump prior to working out (YDMV, that’s usually not a great plan), eaten prior and cut my workout short by 20 minutes. On my way to the locker room I was still diagonal arrow down, but I almost always rise sharply after the elliptical.

Not this time. Dex cycled through all the alerts: 75, 55, 55, LOW. Yet, I was determined to do groceries and deal with this on the way home.

I looked for grocery store samples, pausing a few times trying to assess how I felt. I was sure I was leveling out and slowly headed upward. But then came the few seconds of confusion, the blurriness, the impatience, the irrational thinking, the dizziness. Repeat. Then the moment where you feel as though if you let your eyelids linger over your eyeballs just one second longer than normal, you’d be out. Passed out, leaving someone else to deal with this mess.

Oh. Hell. No. Draining a juice bottle doesn’t erase the barcode. It’s dumb to try and hold out (granted, it was dumb to not have glucose tabs and dumb to go to the grocery store in the first place).

The orange juice bottle empty, I stood for a minute, staring at the butters until I regained composure. Orange juice kicks in fast for me, and I was grocerying within minutes. Yet unsettled. I wanted to go home, curl up on the couch with a blanket, eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, have a glass of wine and watch something that would make me laugh. I didn’t care about being high for a bit. (I recognize Ben & Jerry’s with wine is not a good post-low decision).

It’s time to refocus. Five of these in the last year? Not cool. Each was caused by something I should not have been doing or eating in the first place. Each was followed with the same. Refocusing on my health means tighter control on what I eat and when. Refocusing means weight loss and fitness gain, accompanied by a lower A1c and easier (still not easy) diabetes management. Scott at Scott’s Diabetes recently posted some genuine comments and flattering shout-outs – I hope soon to give him something more positive to comment about. (If you ever get to meet Scott – you’d find him motivating also).

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Comments»

1. seejendance - January 22, 2013

I’m in the same boat – though, my drops seem to be daily.

If it makes you feel better, I once passed out in a grocery store when I was little… my mom did the same thing you did.

2. Colleen - January 27, 2013

I usually grab M&M’s if I go low in the grocery store – or Target… OJ would be healthier and quicker, I’m sure.

3. Scott K. Johnson - January 29, 2013

Diabetes is such a sneaky bastard sometimes. It lets you think that you can hang on just a little bit longer, that you don’t need to stop and treat right away, that you’re doing just fine. But we don’t recognize that one thing that low is doing is messing with our brain. Removing logic from our thoughts one little drop at a time.

Glad you’re Ok, though rattled. And I hate feeling rattled. Like our confidence has been taken away too.

Thanks for the shout-out, and don’t worry, diabetes is such a mixed bag that you’ll have something fantastic and great to share in no time. 🙂

laosita - January 30, 2013

Great point Scott. Highs scare me because of their possible long-term effects, I rarely think about what lows are doing to me short-term or long-term. And I think confidence, but also, independence feels taken away. Not cool diabetes! I’ll kick your ass soon enough!


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